They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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