He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
