The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
