Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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