I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
