Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
