I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
