so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
