after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
