So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
