I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
