yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
don't judge my taste in strippers
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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