Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
