I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
