Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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