I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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