Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
