I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
