she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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