dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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