I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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