I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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