Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
