Can i not drive my cunt home
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
