the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He's on the porch naked. Help.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
