tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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