Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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