Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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