2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
