I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
