I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
