This is not my ceiling
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
