life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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