I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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