I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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