What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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