Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
