Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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