My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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