Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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