...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
