I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
They are going to name an STD after you.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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