I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize