I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My penis needs a shock collar
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
is it fun? or sober?
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