Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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