I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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