I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
