I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
