Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
