we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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