i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
