Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
