I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
