my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
