I love black thongs
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
