Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
