carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
