Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
