Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
