I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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