I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize