My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
