....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
