I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just want to make out with him forever
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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