someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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