i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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